Cristiano Ronaldo has apologised via Twitter after pressure from fans, bookies and the press for winning absolutely every football honour available. He has been accused of taking the fun out of football by making every match a foregone conclusion. The Portuguese international and Real Madrid striker is thought to now own more gold than the US Stock Exchange, primarily in the form of trophies and medals and gaudy fashion accessories.
FIFA representative Hans Schwarz commented on the situation: “Consistently winning in European football has to be discouraged as it doesn’t allow less able teams to do well, many people feel that this is grossly unfair and we aim to put a stop to it.”
Trophy makers have seen a surprising upside and have taken advantage of the situation by stockpiling Cristiano Ronaldo pre-engraved plaques which can be readily affixed to all upcoming football trophies.